Today my happy was challenged. But I persevered.
First it was my reoccurring-stomach-bug? Always the same symptoms. Nasea and fatigue. I’ve mentioned it to doctors, and they go cross-eyed. So, today after dragging myself through my morning workout on Zoom, getting ready for my OLLI class (The Micro-Memoir), teaching my OLLI class this afternoon, I nursed the nausea-fatigue with a baked potato. I slathered it with butter. Yum. That’s the upside of reoccurring-stomach-bug.
The other was a mishap. Moving furniture around my office this morning to set up my desk for my first OLLI class, my statue of Mary and the baby Jesus fell off a chair and split in half. A clean break, hopefully an easy glue-fix.
You know how people casually discuss what they’d grab if they had to leave their house quick? You never think it will be you. It’s never happened to me. But, out side of my husband and Aussie, Avy, I’d grab my MacBook Pro, my Mary statue, a bust of Kwan Yin (a story for another time), and my jewelry.
My mom used to place the statue of Mary holding baby Jesus next to my bed when I was a child having horrible nightmares. I had two frequently. A room closing in on me. And feeling like I was being encased in a cold smooth surface. Years later, I learned to describe it as the feeling of a cast iron bath tub.
Today after the statue broke, and I sobbed, holding it in my hand, I had a vision of myself laying in a tub without water as an infant. I’m adopted. After I was born, I was placed in a foster home for a month+ giving my birthmother time to change her mind. I’ve often wondered if the frequent nightmares I had as a young child stemmed from that foster home. Who knows?
Holding broken Mary, my mind sifted through all of life’s what ifs. If I’d gone back to Ames a week ago Monday as planned… If I’d hadn’t gotten a bee in my bonnet to move the furniture… If, if, if. Eventually, I got off the couch, set the broken pieces on a pillow, and vacuumed the carpet. Not that my OLLI participants could see the carpet during their class on Zoom. But vacuuming made me feel better, lifted my spirits to teach my class.
I think we’re all having to find ways to make our containment tolerable. Sometimes it takes creativity and fortitude. Other times,… vacuum the carpet.
